when it rains it pours...but when it pours it drowns

Bad things happen in threes.  What if they happen in fives, or eights?  April is turning out quite the bitch, and not just because my mom's birthday falls on the 22nd.  Life just keeps getting worse, more so when you say:  "It can't get any worse, right?" 
Depression is a funny thing.  There are those that battle against it with pills and weekly sessions at, what I picture as,  the stereotypical sit-on-the-couch kind of therapist and there are those that look at it like a passing period, an irritating few days that will eventually go away. 
I can't help but feel guilty that I care more about my missing cat rather than the slow death my grandmother is incurring while dealing with violent episodes of dementia.  I can honestly say that the past week has been spent weeping, wholeheartedly, about Simon's purr or the way he use to spray the side table before he went outside.  Oh, sigh. 

[ I am grateful for my...roommate Mr. Q for not letting me go outside without a bra ]

you either got it or you don't

Today someone asked me if i believed in the notion that people are either born with "it" or not.
I didn't stop to think.  I just said yes.  Totally.  Clearly he was dissappointed.   

Clean slate, clean house

What is it about break-ups that instills the need to clean?   I was relentless; no corner was overlooked, no cobweb escaped my grasp.  While the faint sound of Dusty Springfield played in the living-room, I attacked the mildew encrusted shower walls, stainless steel fixtures shined with my countenance, and the smell of pine filled the house.
I can remember my mother doing the same when dad left one night.  Dressed in a heavy maroon robe, she knelt on a towel and scrubbed, muttering to herself soft insanities.

Current: Cloudy

I have been hit by many things...a baseball to the face when I was eight,  parental slaps of discipline in my teens, and a copy of Brave New World to the head when I was twenty,  but I have never felt the unsatisfying blow of reality. 
At twenty-nine, I would imagine this feeling be reoccurring, but it is unsteady and new.  Last Tuesday, my five year relationship ended.  The next day I contacted a psychic and the day after that I cried.  Aside from the latter, none of those things had ever happened to me.  I suppose the psychic was unnecessary but his insight and predictions seem valid,and honestly, I have always wanted to call one.  While I listened intently to what he said, his British accent and his guffaw for a laugh, I truly understood the alternatives to reality.
a) not having one   or     b) making up your own  
Uncertainty is a shaky boat I have been in before, but at least now I have a knowledge of how to steer it and how to swim if it goes under.  .



 


    

new clutch!!!

This was a quick knit.  I really like the flap and the cute detail of the button.  I am going to make the strap the same color as the detail with a nice little cable.  More pics to follow!

Simon's Birthday

We got this for Simon on his birthday, which happened to be on Valentine's Day.  He went nuts, along with our other cat Rizz, which we most often call Little One.  She does not normally make an appearance but this heart was full of nip so...



HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON!!!!

I've never met a human names Dwight.

Do you believe in fate?  I have never met those humans who embody names like Hortence, Mildred, or Rutherford.  Have you ever wondered whether or not the course of your life has gone the way it has because you met a certain someone at a precise time, or dropped a pencil at the right moment?  I have worked at my job for almost eight years and have met the most interesting people with the most interesting names: Aja, Quinn, Blake, and Roland,or even the most rare:  Mayling, Nercy, or simply Rose.     

this is little man, by the way

Little Man companion

 Notebook #7

 I created a companion for little man.

 Little Man's friend is very pensive.

 They have wheels for feet and two feelers at the top of the head, very emotional creatures.

But-o-matic

A x-mas present from the John.  I love handles,especially metal ones and this one has two.  Although I have not permanently attached it to anything yet, I find myself making a button a day, sometimes even two!

sail away with me...

perhaps it was the long hard day at work or just the anticipation of wanting to come home but this WASSAIL tastes superb. Superb.  Superb.  Hmmm...that reminds me of the film Empire Records.   Lucas...yeah!    

18th century posters

This is what I am talking about!  I LOVE how everything is laid out and the intensity of the bold print words.  I am going to attempt something similar today and see how it goes. 

"Who would have guessed reading and writing would pay off!?"    Homer Simpson

 

The Bells, The Bells

There is a church less than a block from where I live and everyday at noon, a bell rings--most of the time it rings once, then twice, and ends in a trio of resonating sound--but today the bell is late.  The bell has no religious value to me but I have developed, what one would call, a dependency.  Noon.  Noon noon.  Noon noon noon.   

Sitting in what I call silence (the freeway hum, roaring planes, and ambulance sirens aside)I stare at the cable box clock blinking an orange 12:02.  I have a theory that the bell is actually hand rung because the dings (is that what you call it?) are always in a different succession.  Imagine a priest or father, maybe a nun, setting  her alarm for 11:48a.m. so she can stand beneath the mouth of the bell and pull its ropey tongue.

When you hear yourself out loud...

How often do you take your own advice? or Follow what you preach?

"Ugh!  She is such a hypocrite!  I can't stand her anymore.  We use to be cool but one day she gave me the cold shoulder and that was that..."

He seemed enraged the moment I said her name and his discontent erupted into a discussion about religion, beliefs, and life decisions.  Confused and a bit annoyed, I posed to him several ordinary instances in which he stopped completely, swirled his drink a little, and remained silent.  He finally answered with:  "Regardless of race, religion, or creed, you should not judge anyone differently."

The conversation ended.  He had realized what he had done.  He looked as though he had just discovered light or that we are not alone in the universe, some great revelation that stumped him.  The sound of his own voice and what he had said made him remember, perhaps all the people he hurt, made cry, or made doubt themselves. 
Here is hoping.  

thanksgiving at Blake and Jenna's

I had no plans to eat a Thanksgiving dinner tonight, but like many things, it just happened.  The company was easy and fun and my shitty camera took the usual 70's style pics.  Blurry yet interesting, most of the pics are comical.  Blake took his revenge on the turkey, I suppose for taking up so much space in the freezer, I could only imagine his angst was released while he watched the turkey being devoured by his guests.  All in all, a great night. 

fleet foxes

almost sounds religious.  religiously good. 

mocosa

I have gone through two double ply extra big toilet paper rolls and am currently working on my third.
Every time I get sick I have incredible dreams. 
Last night I dreamed about a woman who was trying to kill my mother, she resembled Salma Hayek.  We were hiding from her in her vast mansion and you could hear her voice through a master intercom.  She yelled at us in Spanish; "Es mio!  Nadie me lo puede quitar!"  When she neared the room we were in, I came out from behind the curtains wielding two lamps upon which I broke on her head.  The first one hit her shoulder and the second broke upon her head which resulted in the cord hanging from her neck so I pulled on both ends and got behind her.  I've never strangled anyone before and this was more or less new to me but years of exposure to television gave me a general idea.  The harder I tugged the less she struggled, until finally she collapsed, me on her back still pulling like the reins on a horse.  The struggle finally ended in front of a giant mirror where I looked at us both an realized the woman I killed was my mother.
Weird?

alcohol shmalcohol

Goodness!
I came to the realization that when one drinks, they represent a certain side of themselves, but is this side more prevalent than the sober? Did I not enjoy myself? Didn't I? YES I DID!

iPlease iPod iFail

I never wanted one in the first place but I received one as an x-mas gift. I didn't open it for weeks. It remained in its container under the same clutter of monstrous sweaters, skinny jeans, and armpit stained white t-shirts. There it remained, new and bright orange, encased in plastic, waiting to be touched. I refused to fall into the fad of white ear-bud wearing people, clumsily walking through English halls, completely deaf to the world, deaf to me wanting to get by. MOVE!!!!
But alas, here I am, constantly skipping to the next song because it isn't the one of thousands that I want to hear. I play the song over again, I even bought the car plug-in, the docking system, the stupid little sleeve with a securing velcro strip, I even bought new white ear-buds because the cat chewed through my old ones. I am the mindless girl who walks in the middle of the sidewalk, almost sideswiped by the biker in blue, who yells something at me that I can't hear, its just him singing along to Dear Prudence. Ooh...I love that song!